By Tyson Wine
This is weird.
Trying to start a conversation with anybody these days without acknowledging the underlying terror and discomfort we’re all feeling begs the question – how do we “be” in these new, really weird times.
It’s time we created a new order for ourselves, some new social rules, and an overall commitment to not going bonkers. We can’t let this weirdness get any weirder.
First Rule: Communicate!
My biggest pet-peeve in our modern era is the complete inability to adequately communicate. I always tell my vendors, “I’d rather hear bad news than not hear from you at all.” Communication seems to be in rare supply these days, but given the changes in how much time we spend with various people, how we communicate with them, and how often we communicate, it’s imperative we figure out what’s working and what isn’t. This is critical if you are now home with loved ones or roommates who you typically saw on a less-frequent basis.
It took approximately 48 hours of self-imposed social distancing before my wife and I were at each other’s throats. It was my fault. I had gotten used to my wife’s presence signalling my ability to go to work. With her working from home, I ended up working and leaving our child to her care. We didn’t have any help with our daughter as we had pulled her out of school and her only other caregivers were older or otherwise high-risk of getting Covid-19. Spending all day with our darling, energetic, spirited four year-old, as entertaining as it is, wasn’t allowing her to get a complete thought processed, let alone multiple medical plans and charts completed!
She got depressed and stressed. We needed a better plan.
After getting to a reasonable emotional state, we came up with some rules that everybody can employ for a healthier relationship while we are all trying to recreate our work and home lives and ultimately spending more time together or none-at-all. Here’s our agreements:
Create a schedule. This is easy enough if you don’t have kids, but even if you don’t, it’s still a good idea to give yourself parameters to keep within, especially if you are still working. It’s easy to get side-tracked and end up working too much because the work you need to do doesn’t care if you’re in la-la-doom-land. If you have kids, there’s no way you will survive this without a schedule! It might not be pretty, but it’s critical.
Check-in. If you aren’t regularly making sure your partner or other loved ones are doing okay, they won’t be shortly! Create a time each day to check-in with your loved one, and see how they’re doing. It forces you to talk about things which makes everybody feel better. While the fear of the virus may be the underlying cause to most of our frustration, we can quickly scape-goat our partners if we’re not able to release those thoughts and fears! Don’t let that happen – keep up the communication.
No really, check-in.
Take a break. We have a rule that we can ask each other for 15 minutes anytime if we need to take care of something or just go blow off steam on a short jog or walk. With a kid, we need that agreement, but we all need a break once in awhile and it’s essential we recognize when that time hits and go ahead and do what we need to do! The other night, I walked around Bothell at 1:00 AM because that was when the world collided inside my head.
Second Rule: Own the Rainy Day
Our anxiety is through the roof.
You have to do something. Something not involving a screen.
If you turn your computer or phone off right now, without reading the rest of this, because you’re off to do something productive, I COULDN’T BE PROUDER OF YOU!
It is far to easy to fall into the trap of going about our daily routines as best as possible with a not-so-healthy dose of news and Google searches, and end the day on Facebook wondering vacantly about where the cat-memes went. This isn’t working for any of us.
We all have passions and we all have projects. Now is that theoretical rainy day to get some of that stuff done! And the reasons are two-fold:
You need to get your mind off the virus, the threat, the weirdness… you need to think about something else! You also have too much time on your hands, and if you’re like me, you’re mostly utilizing it analyzing the texture on the walls.
You need to feel good, and pride of accomplishment is a very powerful feeling!
These projects can be anything, but start simple. Clear out that slow bathroom drain, or finally get rid of your solo-sock stockpile. Work your way up, and keep a list so that you both remember what you want to do and what you’ve accomplished. List writing is really powerful!
Here’s some things I have done to keep myself sane, just to give you some ideas:
Started my seedlings for my garden.
Brewed a Marzen in March! (-2 points, as I had to go to the Brew Store, and then I didn’t realize I couldn’t go into the grain room, but did, thus potentially infecting a sanitized space.)
Rebuilt my garden beds.
Finished Game of Thrones (to be fair, my wife and I don’t watch much TV, and this was clearly on my list for awhile.)
Made Kombucha
Wrote a blog post!
Third Rule: Escape the Consumption Cycle
We all have taken part in the mad-dash to stock-up for the no-longer-pending apocalypse, but it’s time to admit that we can’t buy our way out of this thing. This is a mental challenge of perseverence, not a shut-down of our supply chain. Toilet paper is still being manufactured, beans are still being canned, bottled water is just as non-essential and toxic as it was before. Let’s stop stockpiling, let’s stop thinking up new ways to protect ourselves when we head out to consume. Let’s just try to stop buying.
We are not making our situation better by shopping, or even buying. We do not have control of this virus, and buying things only gives up more of our control, not the other way around.
This is three-fold. We’re part of the mob-mentality making it difficult on ourselves and others to get things we all need, in moderation, we’re harming our mental stability during these really freaking weird times, and we’re increasing our exposure to a pandemic virus.
Here’s some places to avoid for your mental stability:
The grocery store: No, they don’t have toilet paper or hand sanitizer. What they do have is people who haven’t figured this whole social-distancing thing out, who could run smack into you while not paying attention, uttering “sorry” six inches from your face! The grocery store is not safe, and if you’re like me, you’re probably fine unless the coffee is out.
Any store with a mask: Look, you either have a mask that doesn’t work, have a mask that should go to a medical professional who needs it, or you don’t have a mask and feel terrified trying to grab a gallon of milk from the breath-zone of somebody who won’t just decide already!
The Pet Store: Yes, dogs are cute. No, we shouldn’t be petting them after they made friends with every other dog in the place. And thus those dogs’ owners.
Amazon: I think the hardest thing for many people during this crisis was that their beloved Amazon couldn’t provide for them when they needed it most. Yes, we all thought it was perfect. Now that we know it’s not, can we have small, independent bookstores back, please?
Your favorite hike: I’m all about nature, but why are we all flocking to the most popular hikes we can think of? Nature is healthy and good, but popularity is not.
Yes, it’s a good idea to get out of your house. And the places I listed are pretty much what’s open. But I guarantee you that your heart rate will stay lower and your mind clearer after a walk around the block versus a trip into the grocery store.
Make Social Distancing Fun
We DO need to stop pretending that we can have people over and stay a safe distance away from one another while drinking.
We DON’T need to cease having good times with friends and family.
We’ve found a few fun ways to visit with people while not allowed to do so, and we’re happy to learn more!
Video chat with your family or a group of friends.
Play a game online. My friends like Dominion, and we chose to incorporate playing it together online with a video chat.
Visit with your neighbors. Social distancing is critical, but you can still talk to people, and in general, people outside of their homes are more welcoming to a friendly conversation than ever before!
Call those friends you’ve been neglecting to call!
Go For A Walk!
We are not quarantined, and it’s unhealthy to stay indoors all day. Plus, it’s spring! Living in PNW, this is the time of year where we go out and see daffodils and leaf buds and we generally remember that such a thing as hope exists! We can still do that, and must, within reason.
Walking is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself, even in these dangerous times.
Yes, you must avoid close contact with others. Yes, you must avoid packed routes. But these caveats should never stop you from taking time, every day, to walk.
Benefits of walking include:
Clearing your mind. Writers commonly go for a walk when they get writer’s block, and it helps reset their mind and allows for clarity.
Moderate exercise is one of the essential contributors to health and immune function.
Human interaction – even as simple as a smile or a “hello!” makes an amazing difference in our spirit.
Air quality is almost always better outside compared to inside.
If we reach a state when the government tells us we shouldn’t go for walks, break that law. Governments can be bad for your health.
I hope you enjoyed these recommendations! Feel free to comment and give myself and my reader’s the opportunity to find additional means of a healthier, less-weird time!
Written by Tyson Wine